


Without You (A Good Omens Quarantine Story)

by tardisswimmingpool



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24592111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisswimmingpool/pseuds/tardisswimmingpool
Summary: Ever since Armageddon, Aziraphale and Crowley have been pretty much inseparable, but now that they are forced to be apart, Aziraphale begins to understand how much the demon really means to him.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 40





	Without You (A Good Omens Quarantine Story)

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a few months since I have posted anything, but here is a little something I have been working on. I meant to finish it and share awhile ago, but things got busy. It's a little rusty since I have not written in some time, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

“This is Anthony Crowley. You know what to do. Do it with style,” the familiar greeting echoed in the angel’s ear, causing him to frown. 

Aziraphale cursed under his breath. He had been trying to reach the demon for nearly a month, but his calls were always met by the damn answering machine. Initially, he had thought that his friend found something to occupy himself with (some low-level mischief perhaps) which was causing him to neglect his phone. However, as time passed, it became clear that this was not the case. If Crowley had simply missed the calls, he would have returned them like he always did. This time, there was not so much as a peep from him. Aziraphale suspected that the demon had not been joking about sleeping until the end of the quarantine. If he remembered correctly, Crowley had set an alarm for July which meant that it could be another four weeks before he heard from him. Sighing, the angel placed the receiver back on the hook. There was no point in leaving a message.

“I could go over there,” Aziraphale thought, “Just pop in for a little while.”

The idea made him smile, but he quickly shook it away. It would be irresponsible to leave the bookshop, especially when it was his idea to practice social distancing in the first place. Still, restrictions had been lifting so perhaps if he wore a mask…even so, it would be risky. Not to mention, Crowley would not take kindly to being woken up. The last time Aziraphale attempted to do so resulted in him being slammed up against a wall with Crowley hissing and blowing hot air down his neck. It was nothing that put him in any real danger- in fact, the demon’s temper tantrums were oddly adorable- but he should nonetheless avoid angering his friend. 

With no obvious solution, Aziraphale put his face in his hands and groaned. He missed Crowley terribly, and he was not sure what to do with himself. He felt empty as if he had no other purpose than to be with the demon. Perhaps that is why he kept calling because the sound of his voice on the machine provided comfort by filling some of that void. Still, it was no substitute for the real thing. After a few moments of silence, Aziraphale lifted his head to stare at a picture of himself and the demon on the corner of his desk. The photo was taken at Adam’s birthday party a few months before and featured the demon chuckling at the angel’s failed attempt to make milk disappear from a cone made of newspaper. The angel had not been aware that it required a special type of milk pitcher to execute the illusion successfully, and he ended up spilling milk all over his pants. Normally such parlor tricks annoyed Crowley, but something about Aziraphale embarrassing himself in front of Adam and his friends was amusing. He burst out laughing as the milk trickled down the angel’s legs. Despite his frustration, Aziraphale relished the sight of a genuine Crowley smile. Those were beautiful and rare, and the angel wanted to make the best of them. So, he swallowed his pride and joined in the laughter. Unfortunately, Adam snapped the picture just as he opened his mouth and as he began to blink. The resulting photograph made the angel appear rather goofy, but he did not care. He wanted to commemorate that Crowley smile somehow, so he framed the image. Just looking at it made him feel warm inside. The angel had been staring at this photograph for several minutes before he found himself instinctively reaching for it. He held the frame near his chest and smiled softly. 

“This is silly,” he criticized himself. “It has only been a month. We have been apart for centuries before…so why is it so hard now?”

He pondered this dilemma for a moment and then realized that this was the longest he had been away from Crowley in nearly twelve years. While that may not seem very long for an angel and a demon, it was certainly the most time they had spent together without extensive gaps. Initially, their partnership had been strictly professional as Armageddon hung in the air, but as the two of them worked together to influence Warlock in his childhood, Aziraphale developed an unusual attraction towards Crowley. It was something he admitted he had felt a few times throughout history, but it was only when he was practically raising a child with him that he realized there truly was something remarkable about the demon. He was intelligent and cunning, but also soft and caring. Though he put on a tough persona with young Warlock, Aziraphale distinctly remembered a conversation with him in which he marveled at how adorable the child was while at play and how brilliant he would be in the future if their plan to avert the apocalypse was successful. The sparkle in Crowley’s eyes and the joy in his voice had caused a tingling sensation to settle in the pit of the angel’s stomach. Since then, Aziraphale had felt nothing but delight and admiration when around the demon. Even after Armageddon, the angel found himself looking for any excuse to spend time with him because he genuinely enjoyed the way he felt when they were together. They had been practically inseparable for a year now. Aziraphale was certain this was the root of his anxiety. Afterall, he had grown so used to the demon’s company that he had forgotten what it was like to be alone. However, there was something more to it that the angel just could not put his finger on. 

Aziraphale’s thoughts were interrupted by the piercing ring of the telephone. He blinked a few times to bring himself back to the present and proceeded to set the photograph of him and Crowley back on the desk. He then hovered his hand over the phone, not entirely sure if he should answer it. His better judgement told him not to as it was probably a customer asking about bookshop hours even though the store had been closed for weeks. It would also remain closed for awhile which he made very clear via the giant “Out to Lunch indefinitely ” sign in the window (the phrase having been chosen as a kinder and shorter alternative to “Stay the hell away from my shop because I just want to drink my cocoa and read my collection in peace without strangers bothering me about their desire to purchase books I clearly have no intention of actually selling.) 

The phone continued to ring. The angel’s hand remained just a few centimeters above the receiver, shaking slightly. What if it wasn’t a customer, and it was actually Crowley? Perhaps he woke up early and was finally returning the dozens of missed calls. Although, this was highly unlikely. Still, if there was an iota of a chance it could be...his fingers wrapped around the receiver, and he brought it up to his ear.

“Hello. A.Z. Fell and Company. This is Mr. Fell speaking,” the angel shuttered at his customer-service voice, but he figured it was the safest way to answer should the person on the other end not be who he wanted it to be. 

“Aziraphale, it’s me, Anathema. We have not heard from you or Crowley in awhile so I thought I would check in and make sure everything was alright.”

The angel’s face lit up.

“Hello, my dear. It is wonderful to hear from you, and I apologize for my neglect. I have been so preoccupied lately. I am afraid it is nothing too exciting, but I have been enthralled by a series of books recommended to me by young Adam. It is science fiction which is normally not my cup of tea, but it is actually quite entertaining. I have also taken up baking as I have had a section of old cookbooks in my shop for decades that I have never perused in detail until now. The recipes appeared delicious, and I have attempted many, including Angel Food cake, blueberry muffins, and sugar cookies. Unfortunately, I have only managed to master basic vanilla cakes so far. I am afraid the others did not turn out as well as I would have liked. ”

“Well, I'm sure they were fine. You're such a perfectionist. Anyway, it certainly sounds like you have been making the most of this time at home,” Anathema chuckled. 

"I must keep my mind sharp somehow. But enough about me. How are you and Newton doing?”

“Newt has been busy trying to figure out how to set up our new computer, but he has not had much luck. In fact, he accidentally knocked out the power for the whole street for an hour or so which, as you can imagine, led to a lengthy argument with the neighbors. I am just happy he did not set anything on fire this time. Sometimes I wish he would leave technology to the experts, but I would not be a very good girlfriend if I did not support his dreams of becoming a computer tech. So I am just letting him tinker around. In the meantime, I am brainstorming ideas for a novel.”

“A novel? That sounds fantastic. What will you write about?”

“Well, I found some old journals the other day from when I was still trying to decode Agnus Nutter’s messages, and it occurred to me that those entries would be a good foundation for a story. Initially, I figured I’d turn them into an autobiography about my relationship with Agnus and my role in saving the world, but then I figured people would not believe a word of it. Therefore, I decided to play it off as fiction. That also gives me some room for creative liberty to keep things interesting.”

“That is wonderful, Anathema. Although, you should not fret about making things more interesting because the whole ordeal was rather crazy. Fortune tellers, the antichrist, angels, demons, the Lord of Darkness himself. Not to mention, the Kraken, the raining of fish, and the disappearance of nuclear reactors.”

“You do have a point. Although, I may leave some of that out just to maintain some level of plausibility. I admit some of what happened still does not make sense to me to this day, and I still question whether it even happened. Those memories are a bit fuzzy, so I figure I will stick to the important stuff which is much clearer. Do not worry though, I plan to use generic characters so that yours and Crowley’s privacy is protected. Speaking of Crowley, what has he been up to?”

“Not certain. I am afraid I have not heard much from him since the virus mess began. I was just thinking about how he might have fallen asleep.”

“For this long?”

“You would be surprised how long he can sleep.”

“Well then, how have you been holding up with his absence?”

“I am not sure I know what you mean.”

“ It’s just that you’re together almost all the time. If he had not mentioned to me on multiple occasions that he had no books in his flat, I would have assumed the two of you lived together. Afterall, you act like an old married couple.”

“No, we each have our own spaces. Although, there are occasions when he will slither over here for some late night company.”

“Oh?” her tone insinuated something that made the angel’s cheeks turn red.

“Oh, no dear, nothing like that. I meant that occasionally he will come over for tea.”

“Tea in the middle of the night?”

“Ok wine. But still. He comes over when he gets bored. Interestingly, Crowley may not be much of a reader, but there are occasions when he will show up, asking me to read out-loud to him. Believe it or not, he is quite the fan of poetry. He has even written a few poems for me over the years. I keep them in a box somewhere around here.” 

“That’s really sweet actually.”

“He has his moments. But to your point, it is rather odd not having him around. I guess I got fairly used to seeing him regularly ever since the whole Armageddon debacle. You know, since heaven and hell are not at our throats anymore, we can finally have somewhat of a normal friendship. Then again, how normal can you be when you have known each other for six thousand years?” Aziraphale laughed a little, “ Anyway, I suppose I wanted to milk that experience for all its worth in case the time should come when our respective head offices take an interest in us again.”

“I still find it hard to believe that the two of you have known each other for so long.”

“The years sort of slip by when you are immortal. One moment we were standing on top of the gates of Eden and the next...well we are sitting across from each other at the Ritz in 21st-century London. You do not really realize the passage of time. I mean, he practically looks identical to the way he did when we first met. Although, his attitude has certainly changed. His persona is not as cold as it used to be.”

“He still seems a bit unapproachable to me.”

“Demons have that effect on humans. I assure you he is actually a very warm-hearted person once you get to know him, although he would never admit that. It just takes him awhile to open up. Although, strangely enough, he took to me quite quickly. I suppose I am honored by that.”

“Aziraphale, I hope I am not overstepping, but is there really nothing going on between the two of you? Nevermind the jokes earlier as I’m genuinely curious. I mean, the way you talk about him is so...I don’t know, soft?”

A bead of sweat formed on the angel’s brow, and he pulled awkwardly at his bowtie. This conversation had taken a turn down a road he was not entirely sure he was ready to take. He quickly glanced back to the photograph on his desk. Why was that smile so beauitful? 

“Well, six thousand years is a long time,” he said, nervously, “ Friends came and went, people I cared about passed away, and there was no sense of stability. Things were constantly changing, but the one thing that remained the same was Crowley. So, I guess I am grateful to him for being there all that time. I also am grateful for the lessons he has taught me. The truth is I admire him, and it is difficult for me to hide that now that the option to express it is there. But if you are implying what I think you are implying,” his heart pounded in his chest, “No, there is nothing going on.” 

“Ok. I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“It is quite alright, Anathema,” Aziraphale said, his voice suddenly a bit shaky. “I suppose the curiosity is warranted...anyway, it has been lovely to talk with you, dear, but...”

“You sure you are alright? You sound flustered.”

“What? No, it is just that I remembered I left the stove on, so I should really go take care of that.”

“Ok, well I hope you hear from Crowley soon.”

“It will be fine. Listen, I will call you on Saturday, alright? I would love to hear more about this novel. Maybe I can help fill in some of the gaps for you.”

“That would be wonder…”

“So sorry, my dear! I really must go. I think I smell smoke. Till later. Goodbye!” Aziraphale quickly hung up and then proceeded to facepalm himself.

The angel hated lying. It was partially due to the moral implications but also because he was incredibly bad at it. His reasoning never made much sense, and he would often stumble on his words. Sometimes he would be so nervous that he would fabricate words which made it blatantly obvious that he was just trying to distract from something. Luckily, he had managed to hold it together somewhat for Anathema. The lie had been probable at least, although it certainly would not satisfy her for long. She would inevitably call back with questions about his behavior, but that was a problem for another day. Aziraphale sighed for probably the dozenth time in an hour. That conversation had been the last thing he needed. He had hoped that Anathema would give him momentary relief from thinking about Crowley, but she only exacerbated the issue. Not only that, but she may have provided the angel with the answer to why he was so bothered by the demon’s absence. 

“It is ridiculous. I cannot be…Was she really implying that I was… that we...” he bit his lip.

The angel had always thought of Crowley as his soulmate, but that is solely because he understood him in a way nobody else ever had. They were loyal to one another and cared for each other deeply, but Aziraphale had always believed that those more intimate emotions like romantic love were out of the question for angels. The passion, the pain, the devotion, the betrayal- all of these things were fundamentally human. And yet, the longer Aziraphale was on Earth, the more human he felt. He pondered this for a moment. He had already taken to many human traditions, so was it so unlikely for him to develop human emotions too? If so, could Anathema be right about there being something else going on between him and Crowley? It was not that he would be opposed to the idea. He had often thought about what it would be like to share a life with someone like humans do, and it seemed quite nice. There was a sense of warmth and security that would make his own eternal existence seem a lot less daunting. To spend eternity with Crowley by his side...to be committed to him...to be in love with him. He felt himself blushing at the thought. 

“Dammit, I am...I am in love with Crowley.”

Though the realization provided a bit of comfort, the conclusion was also slightly terrifying. If he was in love with Crowley, should he tell him? What would he even say, and would Crowley reciprocate his feelings? What if he did not, and the mere mentioning of it destroyed their friendship? Aziraphale could not bear to think of a life without Crowley. However, if he said nothing, he would be stuck wondering what could have been. What was worse, though, keeping his feelings a secret or being alone forever? 

Bang. Bang. Bang.

The angel jumped at the sudden noise. It took him a minute to realize that it was only the sound of someone at the door. He glanced at the clock: 8 p.m. It could not be a customer because, even under normal conditions, the bookshop closed at 6 p.m. during the week. Maybe Anathema had enlisted the help of young Adam to miracle her up to London to confront him about hanging up on her so quickly. That would be preposterous, though. Anathema would never do that...or would she? To be honest, she probably would under the right circumstances, but for something like this, it was unlikely. So, who the hell could it be?

Out of habit, he walked into the main shop area and yelled “We are closed!”

“Aziraphale! It’s me,” came a voice.

“Me who?”

“Seriously? Who the heaven do you think it is? Just open the door, you idiot. It’s starting to rain.”

Crowley! The angel rushed to turn the knob. Sure enough, on the other side of the door was the demon, a bit damp but beautiful as ever. He blinked a couple of times to make sure he was not imagining it. 

“Ugh, my mask is wet,” he pulled off the cloth mask he was using to cover his face, but it got tangled with his sunglasses. “Damn”, he fiddled with the straps, and the glasses dropped to the floor. 

“I will get them,” Aziraphale bent over to retrieve the glasses. “I like the mask by the way. The flowers are cute.”

“I wanted snakes,” he grumbled. “This was the only pattern left, and the plain colors were boring.”

“Well, you do like plants,” Aziraphale chuckled. 

“Eh, it serves its purpose.”

Aziraphale stood back up to hand his friend the glasses, but he paused for a moment, lost in the demon’s eyes. It was rare to see them directly rather than beneath the shade of his lenses, and he had forgotten how enchanting they were. They were like pools of melted gold. 

“Angel?”

Aziraphale brought himself back to reality, “ Sorry, um...” he handed him the glasses. “What are you doing here? Not that I am not happy to see you. It is just that I thought you set your alarm clock for July.”

“I did, but something came up, and I needed to talk to you. I know we said we were going to do the whole distancing thing, but it's important, and I wanted to do it in person,” he walked past the angel and proceeded to crash on the couch in the back room of the shop. 

“Ok?” Aziraphale followed him and pulled up a chair. “Did something happen?”

Crowley placed his glasses on the coffee table and sighed. 

“I had a nightmare.”

“A nightmare? Crowley, you know that dreams are just…”

“Yea, yea. I know. I know. This one was different though. I was reliving something.”

“Your fall?”

“No, I am used to that one. It was even worse.”

“What was it?”

He hesitated. 

“Come on. You know you can tell me anything.”

“It was about you.”

“Me?”

“The fire in your bookshop. I was looking everywhere for you, but I could not find you. I thought you had been killed.”

“Crowley, I…”

“Please. Let me finish. I remember screaming your name, but there was no answer. I was so angry, confused, and scared because I thought I had lost you. I found myself yelling and cursing everyone and everything. I wanted to lie there and let the flames consume me too, but I knew I had a job to do. Only, I still could not bring myself to think about the antichrist right then. So, I went to the bar to drink and to hopefully forget. But I couldn’t forget,” he rubbed his eyes, “I still can’t forget.”

“Crowley, I am ok. Everything worked out, and I got a new corporation.”

“Yes, but what if you didn’t? What if you were stuck in heaven, and I never saw you again? What if I was not able to stop the war alone? If I was lucky, hell would have just thrown me in a tub of holy water, but if I wasn’t...I’d have to spend eternity by myself in a torture cell,” there was a sense of panic in his voice. 

“I know you would have managed to stop Armageddon even without me. You are clever and devious, and…”

“That’s not the point,” he rapidly sat up to look the angel in the eye. “Even if I did save the world, I would not know what to do with myself because I would be alone.”

Aziraphale was silent.

“Look, Angel,” he took in a deep breath and let it out, “ My dream made me realize something. I now know that a world without you is not one I want to live in.” 

The demon motioned to the seat next to him so that they could be closer together. The angel obliged. Then, to Aziraphale’s surprise, the demon reached for his hand. 

“I need you, Aziraphale. That is why I decided to go to sleep during the quarantine to begin with because then I could at least picture being with you. But when I had this dream, I woke up in tears. I knew I needed to tell you the truth.”

“The truth about what?”

Aziraphale shuffled in his seat. He wanted so badly to just pull Crowley into his arms and nuzzle his neck. He wanted to just come right out and confess that he was in love with him. Crowley did him one better. Still holding the angel's hand with his right hand, the demon cupped Aziraphale's cheek with his left. Slowly, he leaned forward, and before his friend could react, their lips were touching.  
Suddenly, that tingling sensation in the angel’s stomach returned, and he felt like his heart was fluttering. It was not that Aziraphale had never been kissed before because he had shared some with a few special humans throughout history. They had been people that Aziraphale cared for immensely, but he could never love them like they loved him. He could never be in a relationship with them because there was no spark. He did not think it was possible for there ever to be. But this kiss with Crowley...fireworks. 

“I love you,” Aziraphale breathed. 

Crowley pulled away and stared at him for a moment, trying to process the words.

“You do?” he asked.

Aziraphale nodded.

“I think I have always loved you. I was just too afraid to admit it to myself,” the angel said, softly. “That is probably why I kept all those letters and poems you wrote me because they comforted me when you were away.” 

“You really kept those?” the demon was blushing, “ To tell you the truth, I rewrote every one of those multiple times because I had to keep erasing heartfelt confessions. I’m such a hopeless romantic.”

“I thought they were sweet. I did not know you felt that way about me though. If I did, maybe I would have…”

“It would not have mattered. I’m a coward. If I am being honest, I pretty much knew how I felt from the moment we met, but I kept it to myself. I kept saying I would tell you eventually, but I could never find the courage. Therefore, I settled with little hints here and there so that you at least knew you were important to me. The fire reminded me that I could not continue to take our time together for granted, but I was too overwhelmed at the time to pursue anything. Afterall, I could potentially risk losing you again if you did not feel the same way. I couldn’t handle that. It took reliving the worst day of my life for me to realize that unless I said something, I would continue to suffer from my own fear and self-doubt forever. I also might miss out on the best thing that could ever happen to me. The chance to be with you, I decided, was worth the risk.”

“You are not a coward, Crowley. If anything, I am because I let heaven rule my life for so long. But none of that matters now. Right here and now, we are together, and, if you will have me, I would like to spend eternity with you.”

“You won’t get sick of me?” 

Aziraphale chuckled, but he soon realized that Crowley was not joking. The demon seemed sincere and almost worried. He reached for Crowley’s hands again and squeezed them tightly.

“Never,” he whispered. 

Crowley smiled and kissed him again- this time more passionately. Aziraphale felt like he might melt. 

"Um, would you like to stay the night?" the angel laughed nervously once they pulled apart. 

The demon raised an eyebrow.

"That's a little fast, isn't it?"

"Huh?" the angel ran through what he had just said over again in his head, and his cheeks turned crimson. "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. You are right of course, that would be way too fast. I promise that is not what I meant! Not that I would be completely against it. I never really thought about it because I have never done anything like that before or felt those feelings for anyone. I am not sure if I...but it would be with you so...maybe some day...anyway, I should stop talking. I am so embarrassed." 

"Relax, Angel. I am just messing with you," Crowley laughed. 

The demon stroked the angel’s cheek, lovingly. 

"Seriously though, that would be fast, and we don’t ever have to do anything you are not comfortable doing. Ok?” 

“Thank you, Crowley.”

“So what did you have in mind?”

"Oh, right...well I was just thinking maybe we could cuddle for awhile. I could read to you," Aziraphale said, softly. 

Crowley nodded.

"I would like that."


End file.
